Letting Go

A former friend of mine (and I can honestly say that I only have three persons who have earned that title over my lifetime) strongly suggested that I start a blog. He said that my words are wildly expressive and my phrases are poetic. Well, no, he really didn't say that. I embellished a bit. But he did say I should start a blog. He liked my emails. My Facebook friends like my corny jokes. My Myspace readers seem to enjoy my personal posts, so here I go. I don't know what I have to offer, if anything, but perhaps I can offer some candid truth, at least my perspective of it. For, as I am learning, it is all about one's perspective, one's paradigm, one's position. Everything else is relative.

Letting go.
I'm TRYING to let go. All of my life, I've had this lovely character trait called the "keep-its". I've kept friends' memos, folders, food, phone numbers, photos and fingernails (yes, fingernails) from years gone by. You don't understand, from MANY years gone by. I have notes from elementary school; folders full of bills, bulletins, and briefings from my business acquaintances; and an orange (appropriately named Oscar) in my fridge. Oscar is pissed b/c he's been hanging around my fridge for at least 8 years now. He's no longer edible and now (thanks to a permant black marker) he even has a face. I digress. I have phone numbers from people who I no longer talk to, remember, nor care to remember. I have photos. God knows I have too many photos. Sadly, enough, I threw away my one racy photo of my college boyfriend. Finally, yes, I have fingernail clippings from when I was but a wee lass (from the ages of 8-18). Why? I used to say b/c I have extraordinary fingernails and I occasionally liked to look at the inch-long severed nails that were kept neatly tucked away in a quaint, felted ring box. But, now I can admit that I keep them b/c I have a problem. A problem of the keep-its.

Until now, the keep-its haven't hindered me too much. No, indeed, quite the opposite. The keep-its got me through college, graduate school and 8 jobs. Because I kept everything, I didn't really need to remember anything. I'd write it down, store it and retrieve it later when it was needed. All that was required from me was to remember that I kept it. And that wasn't a hard task considering that I keep EVERYTHING. Relationships, however, have proven to be the most valuable things that I have managed to keep over the years. My college love is married with kids and still sends me Christmas cards. My middle school friends give me encouragement via Facebook. God knows I need that nowadays. My male friends (and yes, there are things such as male friends) have been an invaluable resource in times of need- unless there is actual masculine, physical activity involved (i.e. raking leaves, then those (insert bad word)s are nowhere to be found). So, I haven't had a problem with establishing and maintaining friendships. My problem lies in letting go of the ones I've outgrown. Separating from people who have shown themselves to be untrustworthy. Severing the ties with people who have some amazing traits, but really aren't right for me in this season. A part of me wants to simply pack them away, neatly, like I do the fingernails from days of old. Unfortunately, there isn't a nice, brown, felted ring box big enough to hold the baggage that these people bring to my life. Yet and still I want to pack them away, only to bring them out when the time is right. My quandary is that I don't know if the time will ever be right. I don't know if maintaining any social connection with these persons will pay off in benefits down the road. So, therein lies the rub. People are not objects to be savored, cherished, packed away and pulled out & dusted off when needed. They are more important than that. They should be cherished always, right? But what about once they are no longer a contributing part of my life? Should I discard them, then? When do I know when to sever, for good, a relationship with someone. I don't know. Somehow, I think parting with that box of fingernails from my youth would be much, much easier.

Thank you for listening. Thank you for sharing.